Wael Ibrahim – 18+ – Sexual rights in Islam PART TWO
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the difficulty of finding the right answer to a question about oral sex and the importance of balance between privacy and sexuality in relationships. They stress the need for public health measures and caution against touching one's private parts. The conversation also touches on the transmission of STDs and the use of wet language in relationships, as well as the negative impact of drug use on women and the importance of counseling sessions and being honest with oneself. The speakers also mention the pervasive use of hesitation during sexual activities and the need for counseling sessions to improve one's sexual experiences.
AI: Summary ©
You know, the difficulty is the new generation,
they have stopped asking the question.
I have had people, yesterday, someone sent me
an email to say, look, as a female,
I need oral *.
The private part in the * are a
source of a lot of infections.
Is there a hadith that says oral *
for both males and females is haram?
What is being presented in the * movies
and the * industry does not represent the
reality or the truth whatsoever.
Alright, let's go to role plays in sexual
intimacy between spouses.
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, my
brothers, my sisters in Islam.
Bismillah wa alhamdulillah wa salatu wa salam ala
rasoolillahi salallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Unplugged, a video series that we have started,
alhamdulillah rabbil alameen, a couple of years ago
and it reached the millions by Allah's favor
and blessings.
Alhamdulillah, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make
these videos beneficial to one and all.
But one episode in particular that attracted the
attention of so many around the world and
towards the end of that episode, we made
a plea, we actually reached out to you
and we asked you to provide a feedback
and that episode was the last one when
we were in Indonesia together, myself, Dr. Muhammad
Salah, Mufti Ismail Ming and we told you
that based on your feedback, we will insha
'Allah record a second episode and that was
the sexual responsibility and roles in Islam for,
of course, married couples.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala accept from
one and all, but before we dig into
the discussion of part two, I owe you
an apology, Mufti.
Many people told me you were interrupting Mufti
Ming in the first discussion, so apologies, please
forgive me because I didn't interrupt you, that's
the problem, but many people were pointing at
this that you interrupted Mufti Ming a lot.
I didn't mind the interruption, they were beneficial.
Forgive me, so we need to maintain the
time of the session, so let's dig into
it.
Dr. Muhammad Salah, Mufti Ismail Ming, welcome back
to Unplugged and the first question which came
a lot, these, by the way, this episode
is based on the comments of the first
video and one of the questions that came
throughout the pages of Mufti Ming, Dr. Muhammad
Salah myself, is oral *.
Is it halal?
Is it flat out haram?
Are there anything in particular permissible, not allowed?
Bismillah.
Take the lead.
Basically there are two opinions among the scholars.
There is the opinion that says that nothing
of that nature is permissible because of a
person being a believer, you use the tongue
and the mouth to say the shahada and
so on, and honorable things and so on.
And the other opinion says, look, if someone
wants to lick their nose or do something,
it's considered perhaps not upon a level that
would be encouraged or something, but to move
to the level of prohibition would be beyond
what is clearly stated as a prohibition.
So the two opinions, one is that it
should be avoided and the other is there
is a scope of permissibility.
Perhaps Dr. Muhammad can elaborate on that a
little bit further because I'm sure he would
have greater experience with hudah and with all
the questions that he gets usually.
You know, the difficulty is the new generation,
they have stopped asking the question.
They involve in it without asking and they
say, look, what is haram in this?
If it is clean and if there is
no dalil specifically prohibiting it, why are you
prohibiting it before us?
So they stopped asking.
So we're basically talking to those who are
really concerned and maybe the older lot.
I have had people yesterday, someone sent me
an email to say, look, as a female,
I need oral *.
This is the question.
And I recently got married.
My husband is not going to do that.
He said it's prohibited.
What do I do?
I'm not going to.
It's early on in the marriage and it's
a tough one to navigate because I can't
convince you to follow an opinion.
If the husband believes that it's not allowed,
I mean, how do I convince him?
Look, there is another opinion.
And if someone is following the other opinion,
how do I convince them the other way?
Dr. Muhammad, you have to really navigate through
this one because it is one of the
crucial questions that needs to be hit head
on.
You have the, you know, I don't want
to call it the old school, but you
have the, you already did.
No, no, I don't want to call it
the old school, but you know, there needs
to be a balance.
But there are people out there are coming
now saying what's halal, what's haram without really
being grounded.
To start with, can I say something really
important, more important than the question of oral
*?
That is, please ensure that your private parts
are very, very clean at all times.
That's something that you should never compromise.
And this is why you and I know
about halal, that, you know, the removal of
the hair of the entire private area is
something from the fitra.
And we should be doing it on a
regular basis.
Some people have asked, are you allowed to
laser?
Are you allowed to wax?
Are you allowed to remove this way?
You remove it however you have to.
You just give them another question though.
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
You add it to the list.
We add it to the list.
This is something very important for people to
know.
Yes.
Do you see how deep it goes?
So this time I'm interrupting you, Habibi.
So nonetheless, the place needs to be clean.
I mean, if someone wants to really, you
know, if they can really kiss someone on
the nose and bite the nose and lick
somebody's nose and lick somebody's ears.
I mean, if the place is generally clean,
it's very different from if, you know, you
have green snots coming out and you say,
can I lick the nose?
La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.
May Allah forgive us.
Sorry about that.
That's the third question.
Licking the nose.
Alhamdulillah wa salatu wa salamu ala nabiyyin Mustafa
wa Ba'ath.
Alhamdulillah, Islam and science go in hand.
And they are in harmony in every aspect
by the grace of Allah.
So it is very important also to consider
the pathological aspect of it.
The private part and the * are a
source of a lot of infections, especially there
are a lot of people who may have
STDs like HP and human papilloma and so
on.
And they don't know only when it breaks
out.
The transmission, not necessarily because of sexual contact.
There are so many reasons, you know, the
clinics, the toilet seats, the public toilet seats,
etc.
So if it happens and one of the
partners, especially the female, happened to pick any
of these STDs, and you can imagine a
person is put in his mouth where there
is STDs, sexual transmitted disease.
This is completely not advised because it's not
about the cleanliness.
You're talking about viral infection.
So it's sitting there, even if you wash
so many times.
But even in this case, penetration would be
also not advisable.
Well, if they are having sexual contact, then
one time is sufficient to pick it up.
But we're talking about admitting it to your
mouth and having those rashes and so on
on your lips.
So the pathological aspect of it is very,
very important to consider.
This is a place which is full of
microorganisms, infection.
So maintaining its cleanness, as my dear brother
said, is something really important, especially when you
happen to use public toilets and stuff like
that.
Secondly, yes, there is no direct prophetic prohibition.
It's neither mentioned in the Quran nor in
the seven hadiths that the Prophet s.a
.w. said don't do oral *.
As a matter of fact, last time when
we spoke about * penetration, yes, there is
a straightforward hadith forbidding that.
But when it comes to oral *, and
since it was not even considered, it wasn't
on the screen, it wasn't something that people
even inquired about in the past.
Simply because of the widespread of the *
clips and having these sceneries available to everyone,
then people started getting aroused, learning, trying to
experiment.
Navigating.
Navigating.
But in a Muslim society and in a
modest society, never ever anyone thought about it
before.
But since it is there, we have to
handle it.
We have to attend to the viewers and
to the Muslim ummah.
It is our responsibility.
So in brief, Sheikh, is there a hadith
that says oral * for both males and
females is haram?
No, there is no hadith.
So then it's not haram.
Well, there is no hadith.
But there is a hadith in which the
Prophet ﷺ disliked touching one's private part with
the right hand.
He said always use the left hand.
Do not touch the very private part with
the right hand.
This is the hand, not the mouth.
So if you look at it from the
perspective of not the old school cleanliness, considering
that this tongue is normally used for the
remembrance of Allah, the recitation of the Qur
'an, it is better to avoid it.
But do we have a reference where the
Prophet ﷺ said it is haram?
No, we don't.
So let's put it this way.
So regarding the issue that Mufti Mink mentioned
that someone asked, like a lady asked him
via email about that she needed it, she
is inquiring it from her husband.
In those cases also it's better not to...
You know it is interesting because the spouse
may detest it, may think it is disgusting.
And of course in small circles and in
the counseling sessions, one of the partners say
that it is disgusting.
I feel like I want to throw up.
And the other partner enjoys it.
So not because you enjoy it, you make
your partner throw up or vomit.
They don't like it.
Even if it is halal, don't push them
to do it.
I actually came across a few years ago,
someone who said that one of the questions
before marriage was, what's your opinion on oral
*?
And they were embarrassed.
They said, how could they have asked this
question pre-marriage?
And I said, you know what, maybe you
just need to answer the question and say
what you think.
They should.
Maybe it's an important thing.
It is.
Because if one of the partners, whether he
or she, the future partner, dare to ask
the question, that means it represents for them
an ideology.
You see, there was a time when this
was not even asked because it didn't exist.
I mean people might laugh at it, but
there was a time.
Like if it did happen, it would have
been mentioned somewhere in the kutub, somewhere in
the hadith, somewhere in the Islamic history.
But because there is no mention of it
before a certain time, so it's become urf,
or it's become from the urf of certain
people, it seeped into those who were more
modest about this particular thing.
And that's why today the debate is such
that, like I said earlier, the young generation,
to them it's not even a question, and
honestly so.
Because there was a certain event I attended,
and one of the things that I tried
to ask a few of the youngsters is,
you know what, what exactly are your views
on this?
And they said, what do you mean?
It's not, besides * penetration, there's nothing else
that is haram.
Yeah, and because * became the main primary
educator in this area, wa laa yadubu laa
may Allah protect us, now we receive a
lot of emails from husbands and from wives
that the actions, the disgusting actions shown in
these films also have entered Muslim homes as
a result.
I remember in Medina we asked one of
the mashayikh there, when we were students, just
young, and he said it's not recommended, but
you can't say it's prohibited.
So yeah, they left it at that.
And we were, at that time I was
too young and shy to even ask further.
We just kept quiet and you know, that's
it.
One thing brother Wa'el just brought up,
talking about the * industry, that we need
to share with the viewers something really important.
What is being presented in the * movies
and the * industry does not represent the
reality or the truth whatsoever.
And most of those who are involved, the
actors or the actresses, they have to administer
some sort of drugs in order to bear
the pain.
The pain, the meditation.
And you know, the filth that they are
involved in, in which even animals do not
degrade themselves to such a level.
How do we know that?
We know that because of a lot of
documentaries, whether on Discovery Channel or whatever.
And they are confessed, after they've come out,
there are a few who have actually come
open.
Some who quit, and some who after some
serious STDs and they are just waiting for
their death.
They warn, they warn the youngsters especially.
A lot of college girls who want to
pay for their education and they find easy
money there.
You know, thousands of dollars on a daily
basis.
So they destroy them.
And they give them drugs in order to
be capable to resume.
So what you see in these movies do
not represent the reality whatsoever.
Unless if you lose your life as well.
In fact, there is a professor in Australia
by the name of Mary Crabb.
She actually traveled to certain parts in the
States and she interviewed * stars.
And one of them mentioned that those who
are trying to imitate us in their homes,
they need to see a psychologist.
This is from the lips of the people
in the industry.
May Allah protect us all.
Alright, let's go to role plays in sexual
intimacy between spouses.
Handcuffing, acting as if they are * their
wives, like a scene as if he kidnapped
the wife, he threw her in the bed,
she physically became violent and they call it
marital *.
Have you ever heard about someone trying some
role play and they choked the wife and
she died?
I read that a few years ago in
the news.
In that case, in Australia as well.
I think those who are into that, they
definitely need to visit and see a psychiatrist.
You know, Sheikh Naif, I can add something.
I think it depends what exactly the role
playing is about.
What he mentioned is marital *.
No, I think there's a difference between the
two.
Role play is generally when you're pretending, you
put up a scene, you want to have
fun with perhaps something that's been in your
mind, or whatever it might have been.
I think if it is something crazy, like
where you're handcuffing and being violent and doing
some things, that would have a ruling.
But if it's someone who says, look, I'd
like you to dress up, I'd like you
to be this, I'd like you to that,
to a certain extent, perhaps the lighter of
it might be, it's not a prohibited thing,
it makes you guys happy and it's something
that's not violent, it's something that's not low
in its moral itself, not degrading of anyone.
When he mentioned the role playing, what crossed
my mind first, the cross-dressing.
No, cross-dressing.
And this is something that we need to
address.
No, Islam does not allow that.
Islam doesn't allow a male to become or
be a female.
Islam doesn't allow that.
According to Islamic law, it's very clear on
that.
Habibi, we have to tell the viewers that
there is a difference between makruh and haram
and accursed, because this kind of role playing,
if a man dresses like a woman, a
woman dresses like a man, just mere dressing,
even in private, a Nabi salallahu alayhi wa
sallam cursed those who do so.
And cursing means to be deprived from Allah's
mercy on the Day of Judgment.
لَعَنَ اللَّهُ الرَّجُلُ يَلْبَسُ لِبْسَةَ الْمَرْءَ وَالْمَرْءَةُ تَلْبَسُ
لِبْسَةَ الرَّجُلُ It is absolutely accursed, cross-dressing
even in the bedroom, even for fun, is
something that whoever does it is accursed by
Allah and His Messenger salallahu alayhi wa sallam.
That's an Islamic ruling, actually that's an Islamic
ruling.
And you know, one of the strange things
is that a lot of people think that
now that I'm married, I can do whatever
I want.
But in actual fact, Islam holds us at
the highest values and morals, even in the
bedroom and even in warfare.
Like when there's a war going on, you
cannot just do what you like, these are
your enemies.
No, these are your brothers that you've disagreed
with or you need to fight for a
reason, but you've got to be humane.
That's why the treatment of prisoners of war,
the way you attack a person, someone who's
surrendering, you're not allowed to touch them.
So all of that, there is discipline in
everything.
Within the bedroom, it's probably the biggest discipline.
But Allah says you enjoy, you know, because
of it being halal, in a respectable, beautiful
way.
You don't belittle someone?
This is absolutely forbidden.
You don't belittle someone?
You don't abuse them?
Language also, the tongue.
Calling each other names.
No, but a lot of people have said
the only time I swear is when I'm
in bed.
What kind of swearing first?
So calling his wife, for example, a word
that is known for people who does the
fahisha, those kind of words that also are
heard usually on these * videos.
A BIT, basically.
And the Prophet ﷺ also taught us about
several diseases of the tongue, that a man
may utter a word that may anger Allah
as a result of it, يَهُوِي بِهَا فِي
جَهَنَّمٍ سَبْعُونَ خَرِيفًا Someone may utter a word
as a result of the anger and wrath
of Allah, such a word may take its
utterer to hellfire for 70 years.
So is this allowed in Islam?
Is this something that is acceptable?
Well, this is a very sensitive topic, and
to be honest with you, only a word
which incurs a fahisha.
Like in Islam, if a man says to
any person a word which a lot of
people use, such as, I'm sorry to say
the word, bastard, which means born out of
good luck.
Am I correct?
This word requires a severe punishment in Islam.
It's called qadr.
It's even mentioned in Surah An-Nur.
And the accusation, even if it is just
a joke, it is punishable in Islam.
So whether a wife, whether in bed, whether
having sexual fun, this word should be avoided
whatsoever.
Whether describing a female or describing a male.
This is something not to be...
But lighter words which may spice up the
relationship, which does not refer to being an
adulterer or an adulteress, or born out of
good luck, enjoy.
I see.
Simple and clear.
May Allah protect us.
That's why I said it is very sensitive.
Some people are very creative in the type
of words they use, Habib.
And by the way, every language...
And I'm sure in the comments we're going
to have all these words.
People saying, la hawla, la hawla.
We're stepping into a very risky and sensitive
area.
Why?
Look, we're not looking into trend.
We already have, mashaAllah, millions of followers.
But we cater for what people need, especially
the youth.
Because unfortunately, you will not find it anywhere
else.
Am I correct?
Like I said, they don't ask anymore.
They just do it.
I mean, the guy, look, he uses the
F word.
And when you ask him, why are you
using it?
He said, well, that's exactly what's happening.
So why shouldn't I use the word?
What I mean is that when you say
F you to somebody, what are you referring
to?
He says, well, I'm in the act with
my own spouse.
Now what do I say?
So basically, la hawla, la hawla.
Just move on.
Yeah, just move on.
Basically, it's tough, wallahi.
And that's why, look, I believe, mu'mineen are
supposed to be upon the highest level of,
yes, yes, and the words and everything.
Now, I remember sometime a guy says, you
know, if we have to behave the way
some of the sheikhs have to say, you
know, our sexual relation with our spouse will
just be so formal like you're in an
office, and you know, that's it.
You just get done and you move.
I don't know how the sheikhs behave in
bed.
No, they say the way the sheikhs are
speaking, you know, to say that you have
to, because I remember this, one sheikh says
stuff a long back.
I mean, sheikh, he said that you're not
allowed to remove your undergarment.
You have to just, you know, your trousers.
I'm saying, how are you going to do
things?
How are you going to do things?
But it's there.
They say, no, you must have shyness to
that degree so they don't take off their
clothes.
Say, if you're not going to remove your
clothing.
There are some schools who believe that even
while taking a shower, for this question I've
received tons of times, is it okay to
swim naked while taking a shower?
So they take shower with their undergarments on.
Some people might laugh, but there are people
like, for example, someone says, how can you
have lingerie?
So I said, that's true.
What lingerie?
You're not supposed to have anything.
This is something that we're not saying it's
permissible, we're saying you should.
Yes, so if it comes to lingerie, something,
you know, I don't want to say brand
names, but they have this, you know, the
underwear that might be attractive, depending on what
your spouse likes.
Some spouses do not like certain types of
underwear which you might think they would like.
You can find out and so on.
And that is all permissible, Habibi.
That's permissible.
Now sometimes couples get married and the husband
would travel to a different country for his
livelihood and they would stay far away from
each other for a year, for two, for
three, and to, you know, provide themselves with
pleasure, they will open the cameras and they
do what is known as cyber *.
What's now the Fiqhi opinion on this?
And I wanted to mention a few things
quickly, inshallah.
By the way, those who open their cameras
and engage in these, what is known as
cyber *, be absolutely vigilant, even if you're
married couples, because there are hackers out there
who works for these * sites.
They are hunting these types of conversations to
download your video.
A lot of families' lives have been destroyed
as a result.
Actually, there is an AI tool that hackers
use in order to pick up skin on
your phone.
And the minute it happens, they are alerted
and they will hack into your system and
record that video as it's happening without you
knowing.
And many of these videos found their way
to * websites.
Subhanallah, instead of trying to treat the side
effects, why don't we treat the disease itself,
the cause of the problem?
The cause of the problem, look how the
Ummah and its ulema, its true leaders handled
this issue since the beginning.
When Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be
pleased with him, while walking in the streets,
investigating the condition of the Ummah, the ra
'iyah, and he heard a woman, she was
making a poetry about how much she is
missing her husband.
And had it not been for the fear
of Allah, somebody else would be in bed
with her right now.
Immediately, he went home and he asked his
daughter Hafsa, who was the Prophet's wife, he
asked her a question.
He said, for how long can a woman
bear patiently the absence of her husband, not
having an intimate relationship with him?
And she realized that he is asking for
the benefit of the Ummah.
She said, you know, four to six months.
So he immediately released a decree.
All the Muslim commanders of chiefs, because the
Muslim armies were spread all over during the
time of Umar ibn al-Khattab, this woman's
husband was deployed in one of the armies.
So he said that the maximum period of
absence is six months.
Four months on the battlefield or in the
military camp, and one month traveling and one
month returning, because the journey takes a month
or so.
So a total of a maximum of six
months.
Now this question was presented to me tons
of times, especially on Ask Uda.
So I advise those who are called the
kafir, you know, the sponsors, the expats who
come from all over the world, in order
to work, to earn their living, especially in
the Gulf.
So some, you know, they take their passports
away and they promise them next year, next
year, next year, and they end up working
for several years without having a chance to
return, to check on their families physically, not
only to have an intimate relationship, but also
to see his mother before she died, his
father before he's married, his son when he
got married, whatever.
I would like to tell our rich brothers,
those who have companies and businesses and are
a lot of expats, you know, this is
superior to building a masjid.
This is superior to giving in a charity
here and there, even if you pay him
the ticket out of your pocket.
And it is absolutely his right.
So if his wife is not living with
him, his family is not living with him,
once a year they must go back.
If you want to follow the sunnah, if
you want to become a pious man, a
couple of times every year, two weeks and
two weeks, so this is an annual leave,
one month divided every six months.
And every person signs a contract to understand
that it's not only you who have rights,
you know, also your wife and your children.
When you say decipher *, and mashallah elaborated
on the danger of being recorded and then
being exposed, some people take their lives when
they see themselves and their wives, you know,
millions of viewership, and they don't know what
to do.
You know, they're being exposed, even though they
thought, that's why in fiqh they say, الحكم
على الشيء فرعٌ عن تصوره You cannot give
a verdict unless if you encompass all the
circumstances of the masalah.
So now he added to the faqih something
that if you are online, you're not actually
alone.
There is big brother, there are a lot
of hackers, there is AI, there is whatever,
so be careful, you're not alone.
Now he adds something really important.
Even if no one, if you are on
a secure network, and you're sure that it's
you and your spouse alone, does it mean
that it's okay to masturbate?
Because what do you mean cyber *?
You are in a different country, she is
in a different country.
How do you stimulate her?
She would have to stimulate herself.
And how would you stimulate yourself?
By yourself?
That's called what?
*.
So *, inducing * and sexual discharge, is
haram.
I know that some of our colleagues said,
you know, it's halal, but they are missing
one point, which is, when does it become
okay?
When you compare between two cases, two conditions,
one which is, definitely the person is about
to commit adultery.
They say it protects you from the greatest
sin.
Last night, after we had dinner, I shared
with brother Wael an incident, I don't want
to say it live, but, you know, a
woman approached me in the street, and, you
know, I figured that she is a worker,
one of those who do this kind of,
like a prostitute.
Subhanallah, she is hunting for men.
So, when a person thinks, since I've been
away from my spouse for a while, and
there is a fear that the person would
fall in zina, big time, in this case
the alternative, which is also haram, but it's
a lesser haram than committing adultery.
So when you hear one of the shuyukhs
saying that * is halal, it is not
absolute halal.
When you do it, you understand that you're
committing haram.
It is the last resort, in case that
you fear committing adultery.
A follow-up on this * part, the
use of certain toys in the presence of
both, the spouse are together, but they use,
instead of their organs, they use toys to
stimulate each other.
Is the use of these toys halal or
haram in Islam?
You see, when the two are together, and
they're in the bedroom, and it also again
depends on the stimulators that someone wants to
use exactly what it is, you know, so
you're replacing what you're supposed to be doing
with something else totally, then why are you
there, you know?
But if it is something to spice it
up, then again it depends exactly what it
is.
There are so many things out there, it's
crazy.
I hope that the viewers are appreciating that
we're talking about very sensitive...
And another thing, it's tough for us to
talk about it because we ourselves are not
absolutely sure about exactly what there is.
We are only aware of it through questions
that come through people who say things and
describe things, and it's crazy enough anyway, so
I can only imagine what it must be
in the real sense, you know?
And there is so much that happens.
There is, for example, I give you one
quick example.
There is a lady who says, and this
happens in many cases, says, you know what,
my husband does whatever he has to, he's
done, I'm not yet done, and he's just,
you know, not even bothered, he can't, so
is it okay for me to carry on
myself to ensure that I have climaxed?
And the husband says, here is a toy
for you, and you can do your thing,
you know?
So it's insensitive on the part of the
husband, and number two is, what option are
you leaving her with?
Another thing is, what type, some people use
their own hands, right?
Some people cannot be stimulated unless they use
their own hands, so we...
And that's the addictive part of the action.
Yeah, no, and sometimes...
Which is permissible if it is the hands
of the spouse.
Like, you know, *, but by the hand
of the spouse is permissible.
It's not haram.
Because it's part of the act.
And that's why if the husband is done,
some people have premature *, and it's some
sickness.
It's treatable, though.
And some women have, like, stimulation is very
different from woman to woman, according to what
I learned.
Also simply because of extreme circumcision, as it
was done in the past, extreme...
In some conditions.
So in this case, the husband should carry
on with his hand, and that is definitely
permissible.
Astaghfirullah.
It's tough.
Final question, inshallah.
There are plenty of questions, but we wanted
to cover those...
You mean you need a part three?
I think so.
Wallahi, you're putting us in such a spot.
Wallahi, but it's...
Look, people are also...
Remember, people are appreciating this so much because
this one of the topics is way less
talked about than regular topics which people have
been educated on.
You know, the sad thing is because of
the difference of opinion, there is definitely gray
area.
So like we say, something is makruh, something
is last resort, something is some...
You know, the reason why this discussion happens
is because there is no clear-cut evidence
to say haram, haram, haram.
If there was, we wouldn't even be having
this discussion like there is regarding * penetration.
But we have to have this discussion because
of difference of opinion, the strong difference of...
And some of these scholars are scholars of
note, you know.
It's not just ordinary young people who know
nothing.
Some of them are scholars of note.
But then again we say, even if they
do, they have said something, carry yourself as
a person who is respectable and do that
which is honorable and enjoy yourself within what
is the limit, inshallah.
Keep in mind that experimenting new things doesn't
have an end.
It's endless.
It's limitless.
So basically, when you look at the end
result, the outcome, which is when both have
reached their climax, then it doesn't matter what
happened before and during.
They have reached their climax.
They are in a state of comfort and
rest.
If every time the person comes up with
a new thing and whether he is not
sure halal or haram or whether he knows
it is haram, but you know, for the
sake of satisfaction, it's endless.
You will get bored of this and you
will try to try something new and something
new.
How all those things come to one's mind?
It only comes through watching what is forbidden.
Otherwise, you and I have been created according
to the pure nature, fitrah, which is a
man and woman get together, happen to enjoy
the sexual relations, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20
minutes, whatever it takes, half hour, they are
relaxed.
I don't know.
And then they are relaxed.
Alhamdulillah, shukrullah.
You know what the Prophet said in this
regard?
This is a friendly advice.
If you see a beautiful woman outside or
a scene that arouses you, he says, grab
everything in hand, go home, enjoy an intimate
relationship with your spouse.
The same applies to the world, by the
way.
And then she's got what every other woman
has gotten.
What does it mean?
It means the outcome, the end result, which
is once the person, he or she, have
reached their climax or simply happen to have
sexual discharge, they're relieved.
They're in a state of comfort.
Sometimes you would think it was miserable.
What we did was disgusting.
Why did we do this?
Some spouses punish each other by holding back.
They say, you know what, I'm going to
hold back because I want to punish.
But they don't punish themselves.
In actual fact, it causes so many other
haram things.
So, you know, whenever anyone of the spouses
would like to fulfill their desires, you must
oblige.
I mean, even the women, sometimes they say,
you know, I really, I have an urge
for it.
I'm at an age where I really am
on a high.
And this guy is like, he's not even
interested.
That is wrong.
You have to fulfill it as an ibadah,
as a duty, as a right, as something
you are the only person who can fulfill
it for her.
I have a case here.
If you don't, Wallahi, what do you expect?
I have a case.
The wife is upset with her husband.
So she holds back from him.
And then she complains that you caught him
watching *.
Okay.
And I happen to meet with both of
them, speak to them.
And I thought that he will deny, say
it was by mistake, by accident, you know,
whatever.
No, as a matter of fact, he didn't
deny.
He said, yeah, because she's refusing to share
bed with me.
And for the first time in my life,
I was speechless.
It's like, you know, okay, even though this
is haram, and I can give him lectures
and teachings in this regard, but she was
the main cause.
She did haram too.
The guy says, I was busy all day.
I was at work.
I came back.
I was tired.
No, no, no.
You are married.
You have to come back and you have
to be energetic.
You have to take an interest in your
spouse and so on.
On the other hand, the spouse says, I've
been all day.
Even if she goes to work or she's
whatever, or she's sitting at home, she says,
I've been busy with the kids and with
this and with this and I can't and
whatever.
We are taught you have to make that
sacrifice.
Whether you like it or not, you have
to make it.
That is the ibadah, and that is the
act of worship.
You know, it's a crazy thing.
You were going to say the last question?
Yeah, because we have a lot, plenty of
them.
I'm afraid now to promise any part three,
but I'll leave that to you to decide
inshallah our next journey will be in?
Inshallah.
We're back to Africa later.
We're here from Hong Kong.
But inshallah, we'll leave that to later.
Maybe we can decide.
But the final question is using contraceptive methods
during sexual * like condoms and whatnot, flavored,
they call it now flavored condom to enjoy
the oral part of the * and whatnot,
permissibility, halal, haram?
Wearing condoms or similar contraceptives for women, this
is permissible.
This is definitely permissible.
In order to, you know, in order to
arouse further towards oral *, the question was
answered in the beginning of the session.
But it's definitely much lesser than if it
is without the condom or the such contraceptives
because there will be a direct contact with
the *, which we say that we should
really avoid it for many reasons, pathological, medical
reasons, and also the religious reasons.
There are many types of...
But we didn't say it is haram.
There are many types of contraceptives.
The reversible ones generally are permissible, but the
condition is you must look at the side
effects for you with that particular contraceptive.
A lot of people complain that the pill
causes long-term bloating and it has long
-term effects and then later...
And DVTs.
Yes.
It has a lot of side effects.
It has a lot of side effects.
So some people prefer the IUD or the
coil or different types of medications.
I heard about that.
IUD is very popular.
Yes, and you have to make sure that
whatever is suitable.
Perhaps a lot of people suggest that the
condom is probably the most suitable.
It might be uncomfortable for the male.
كُنَّ نَعْزِلُ وَالْقُرْآنُ يَنْزِلُ So the withdrawal method
is effective only for those who have control
of it.
Withdrawal means * but outside the *.
So basically there is a permissibility there obviously.
But one last thing I want to just
add.
You know when talking about medication and having
medications this issue of * and the issue
of medication to enhance one's libido and one's...
So in Islam generally you should not take
medication without necessity.
A guy says he's performing normally and he
wants to outperform himself so he has that
and he dies of a heart attack because
that dilates everything.
And it's dangerous.
It has long term effects then you will
not be able to do it without that
medication.
So be careful.
Yes, if you're eating healthy, you're sleeping healthy
and you're exercising well you will automatically be
able to operate better.
But if you are a person who doesn't
eat well, you don't sleep well, you perhaps
have habits perhaps maybe smoking or drinking whatever
Astaghfirullah Al-Azim and drinking is not even
supposed to be in the picture and so
on.
But if people have those then obviously you're
going to weaken your own strength.
So to have that medication is not recommended.
It's not a good thing unless you need
it.
If someone really needs something then there is
permissibility.
Why I want to say this is a
young guy 25 years old just got married
he says Sheikh you know what I'd like
to use this medication.
Some people on the night of consummating the
marriage even before experimenting this before they are
given a lot of things to take in
order to enhance their sexual ability and they
end up with a terrible night.
They rupture the * of their spouses and
so on.
You know why they do that Sheikh?
I heard from some of my clients because
of the fear of failing during the first
night.
Let me take advantage of this and add
to the viewers something really important.
Actually a couple of things.
Number one when you were speaking about contraceptives
you mentioned a specific thing.
We're not talking about the hukm of contraceptives
in general.
This is another matter delaying the conception.
You were talking about it in order to
facilitate the oral *.
So this is something that we discussed.
We did not address the hukm of contraceptives
in general in order to postpone or to
prevent pregnancy and conception.
Secondly every couple before you get married you
have to attend courses or classes or counseling
sessions and it is very useful and it
enhances the ability of passing this night safely
knowing how to handle your spouse and it
is for both men and women.
Thirdly if a couple are not enjoying their
sexual relations for a reason or another sometimes
they cannot communicate the message or get the
message across to each other.
Accordingly they go into their own cave and
they start browsing and enjoying their life in
private their miserable life in private.
And that's why I would like to add
one more time Wallahi counseling has helped a
lot of families even in these very private
manners especially when the counselor medical counselor religious
counselor knows what he or she is talking
about and they keep their conversation your conversation
very confidential with absolute privacy and give you
some medical or religious hints and steps scheme
to follow you will see a great deal
of improvement.
A lot of divorce cases they were on
the edge of divorce because of not finding
a solution then when they spoke about it
and in the counseling sessions they realized that
it is solvable it is treatable so do
not jump into conclusion in the final result
which is divorce before finding a treatment before
giving yourself a chance to find out whether
this is something that you can overcome or
not.
And the Prophet s.a.w. said you
know we didn't learn reading or writing Mufti
Menk has not become Mufti Menk while Ibrahim
has not become overnight it is a matter
of learning and practicing and in turn getting
certificates experience in order to share all of
that with the viewers in half hour video
or one hour video and so on so
it takes ages and that is why even
the relationship the very private relationship between a
man and wife every person thinks that I
know better I am an expert on that
Wallahi it seems like you don't know nothing
you know really you don't know nothing you
need to learn and the Prophet s.a
.w. was pioneer in that and he taught
us so many things in this regard May
Allah's peace and blessings be upon you Alhamdulillah
Barakallah Fikum Jazakumullah Khayran You want to add
something?
Yes No you interrupted me No no I
will add this because it is connected to
the * that I mentioned earlier and similar
medications you know there is something called erectile
dysfunction where a man simply cannot get erect
so in that particular case he needs to
be honest with himself because I know of
so many cases of people who end up
getting married knowing their sickness and then they
punish somebody else's daughter and this person it
is so embarrassing to live with someone and
not to be able to just confide in
some people a year later you find out
this guy hasn't touched you you know and
you wonder what on earth when you ask
him no no but I am this and
this and this so we have to be
honest with ourselves and you have to you
have to get help about 5 Ahkam of
marriage whenever it is haram yes you can
you have to you have to actually seek
help and you have to deal with the
matter don't be ashamed if you have a
problem deal with it it is you can
deal with it medically they could help you
in a great way in so many cases
there are very few cases where they can't
really help you but otherwise they can help
you so much even with those who have
complete erectile dysfunction they implant certain machines and
it functions with the remote control I have
a case no no this is permissible yes
yes yes Alhamdulillah I have seen a case
where again they were on the verge of
divorce because the wife was like simply not
married and he went through an operation it's
very costly this is not penile implantation though
this is you know something that works with
the nervous system and using a remote control
and it lasts for as long as he
wants as long as he wants and this
is only for people with complete erectile dysfunction
so you need medical advice in this regard
but I just wanted to share with you
it's there the British will ask is it
on the NHS or not may Allah forgive
me look I'm first time hearing of this
but it's interesting interesting medicine was mentioned in
this episode that's the it's not a medical
suggestion from myself or from Mufti Mink maybe
from Dr. Muhammad Salah he's a a doctor
by profession so but any any one wanted
to seek further assistance you should you know
talk to your physician to your doctors inshallah
inshallah remind me to speak about the aphrodisiac
foods you know so that means there is
an episode 3 I think I think what
would happen is then we will start entering
territory where we're going to be everyone's going
to be glued to say what's going on
in the comments they'll say I ate this
and guess what happened you know you don't
want all of that yet anyway